#Throwback Thursday: Deserving by N. M. Auger

Deserving is a new adult/college romance written by N. M. Auger. 


Jay had it all planned out - finish high school and live happily-ever-after with Boyden, his best friend and the love of his life. The boy he met at the bus stop on the first day of kindergarten and has been by his side every moment since. The boy whose parents are just as homophobic as his own.

All it takes is one slip-up for everything to come crashing down. Caught together, Jay and Boy are forced apart, with no way to reach out or find each other. Disowned by his family, all Jay wants now is a chance to heal his heart and forget his past. Four years at an art school in remote inland Maine seems like the perfect opportunity for a fresh start.

But it’s not going to be that easy. There’s drama with his new friends, the lure of almost constant partying to beat the middle-of-nowhere blues, trauma from his past - and his present - and the fact that he’s madly in love with his very sweet, very straight roommate, Jack. All Jay wants is to be happy again. He deserves that much, doesn’t he?


That was my cue. “I’ll get it!” I offered, with what was probably a suspicious amount of enthusiasm. But he shrugged and tossed me his room key.

Across the hall, I stood in front of Seth’s TV in a cold sweat, head swimming. I could see his binder of movies, but no part of me wanted to pick it up and head back over. I have no idea how long I stood there, panicking about what everyone was probably saying about me, but it was long enough for someone to come looking for me. I was expecting Maeve when the door cracked open. It was Jack.

“Doing okay?” He got close, but not so much that I felt crowded. I nodded slowly, which wasn’t very convincing. But just him being there was somehow helping. He was so calm and steady. “Really?”

“Yeah.” And I meant it. Well, better about the sudden overwhelming fear I’d fucked things up with my friends. 

I had other worries when he sank down on the couch and asked, “Want to talk?” All my fantasies went into overdrive as soon as he spoke those words. I wanted him to confess to me, tell me he wanted me. Anything to make going through this worth it.


“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but … we were talking once, about why your parents disowned you. Is this why?”

“Yeah.” Monosyllabic answers were the best I could manage. That near-hysteria was settling in again. 

“It wasn’t because of a girlfriend, was it?”

Before I could stop them, a few tears fell. “No. It wasn’t. It was ….” Boy, I wanted to tell him. Who looked like Jack and was nice to me like Jack was. Jack, who had taken the initiative to come make sure I was okay. Who was offering support when I very clearly wasn’t. 

“I didn’t know if you wanted to talk about it. I’ve seen you looking really bummed out lots of times and never knew why. It’s this, isn’t it?” I could only nod. “I’m sorry for bringing it up. I just didn’t know if there was anything else you needed to say.”

Before I’d lusted for Jack. Now I was just plain in love. Because I wanted to tell him. Everything. And I did. I didn’t even feel embarrassed crying to him. God, how I wanted him to hold me. The urge to let myself just fall into him was hard to fight. But fight it I did. He couldn’t know how I felt. I couldn’t lose this friendship. So, I settled for accepting the tissues he handed me.

Get your copy of Deserving as a paperback, ebook, or as part of your Amazon Kindle Unlimited subscription.